Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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