You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize