Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
