I molested 6 butterflies tonight
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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