Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I feel great
I just peed on a car
and i looked up. we had an audience...
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
