We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
