yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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