so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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