I think im going to throw up on grandma
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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