nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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