??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
