Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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