I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
