I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
