that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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