She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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