You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
and i looked up. we had an audience...
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
