have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
