Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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