remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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