I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
