What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
