Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Green mimosas i think yes
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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