Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
