Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
