Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
