I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
