sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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