Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize