I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
