i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
