I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
