I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Sex in the backyard? Check.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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