Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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