no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Randomize
