She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
