apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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