K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Randomize
