I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
