Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
