Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
