She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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