My underwear smells like fireworks.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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