who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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