You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
i think im in europe. pls send help
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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