I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
