when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
