I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
