I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
