guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
