today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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