We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
