We're facebook friends in real life
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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