I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
You have to summon your inner elephant
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Randomize
