I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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