You're my little dorito
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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