I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize