Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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