Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize