i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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