Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
