I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize