Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm both gender and math confused
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
