This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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