R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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