I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
