just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
