All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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